Today is my very first Mother’s Day. I’m sitting in bed petting our dog Lincoln, watching my husband crawl under a sheet he just nailed to the door frame to create a ventilation system for our portable A/C unit in our bedroom because our A/C compressor blew out. It’s May in Texas, have you. Now we’re laughing and whispering over our five month old daughter who is asleep in our room because her nursery is 90 degrees. Though, as I sit here with sweat dripping down my neck, click-clacking away on the computer, my heart has never felt more whole.
Life is never what we expect. I am continually surprised by what awaits me at each turn and detour. The more life I experience, especially as a mother now, the more I realize the importance of laughing at potentially frustrating situations, of shifting to a plentiful perspective as frequently as possible (reminder to self: be grateful when we normally have a working A/C!).
What I know at this point in my motherhood journey is…well, not very much. Any time I think I know something or have it figured out, my friend Humility is ready and waiting. I am learning, albeit slowly, to snuggle up close to this friend, to stay teachable.
So, in the spirit of teachability and in honor of Mother’s Day, I decided to interview a few very important mothers in my life: my mother-in-law, my grandmothers and my mom. While each of these women plays a unique role in my life, they all share a common thread in the fabric of family: they are remarkable mothers. They love fully, forgive generously, and have remained steadfast and soft in the face of unthinkable obstacles. I am forever blessed and grateful to be guided by these women’s experiences and wisdom.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you mamas (and mama figures) out there: mamas in grieving and mamas in waiting, working mamas and stay-at-home mamas, mamas of littles and mamas who’s chicks have flown the coop, mamas serving our country and mamas serving our schools, our churches and our communities. I see you and all the work you do, day in and day out. It matters so very much.
Hannah (my mother-in-law)
What was your journey into motherhood like?
I was 26 years old and really excited to be a mom because I had an ovary and a tube removed so I didn’t know if I’d get pregnant. My water broke in the night at home, so I called the doctor and asked what to do. He told me to come in so I went in to St. David’s in Elgin. I was in labor all night but not dilating so they took me the next morning and had to do a C section because she [Vanessa] was breech. I had this beautiful little baby girl and they brought her to me with a lavender bow in her hair. I couldn’t do anything but look at her. I took her home and she had her first bath with 3 doctors and 2 nurses! We loved dressing her up.
Then, I got pregnant with Shannon. I had to have a C section with him as well. He was born and was so beautiful with his olive skin. We had live-in help once we had Shannon. Shannon was born in April. Butch’s mom and dad died that same year.
When Shannon was one year old we moved to Westlake. I put them at Casa Montessori and fought for that! Around that time Butch went to treatment. But everyone at Casa Montessori was so accepting and loving, especially Charlene.
Then Marshall came and I was so excited because it had been 5 years! I had another C section with him. Vanessa and Shannon were excited too. I knew he was my last so I really savored it.
What was your favorite part of new motherhood?
I just loved holding, cuddling, and nursing them all!
The most challenging part?
Not getting enough sleep
What was a moment in motherhood when you wished you could freeze time?
When they started talking, the funny things they would say…Shannon asking if he had to put the eggs from the grocery store in a cage to prevent an eventual escape, Marshall opening the window asking me if he could bake a cake, Vanessa coming home from school and taking the wash out to the creek after pioneer day. So many fun and funny memories.
What is your biggest wish/prayer for your children today? And for your grandchildren?
To be happy, joyous and free
What has surprised you most as a mother?
What all they did that I didn’t know!
What has been one of the biggest gifts of being a mother?
Learning from them. They have taught me more than I’d ever hope to teach them.
And a grandmother?
Just the pure joy!
What is one piece of encouragement you’d like to share with me in my new motherhood journey?
Enjoy it. All the little things. It passes so fast.
If you could go back in time and tell your younger mom self one thing, what would you say?
Enjoy it! I was so busy. I would have told her to enjoy it even more.
Mama Ann (my mom’s mom)
What was your journey into motherhood like?
Harry and I dated for 5 or 6 years and knew we would marry. When we married in 1957 Harry was in dental school and I enrolled for another year of college. After a year of being married I remember crying thinking “God’s not going to give me children!” but lo and behold, he gave me 3 beautiful daughters and 1 handsome son.
What was your favorite part of new motherhood?
I just loved watching my children grow up, the progression from crawling, to walking, to talking and feeding themselves. Life was hectic because Harry was in dental school and there was no family around. The first year we had Debbie we lived in a 1 bedroom apartment. Life was simple and uncluttered.
The most challenging part?
The most challenging part was the hours Harry was working, and he was working on Saturdays too. But any spare moment he did have I can still vividly recall seeing him out in the back swinging the kids and playing. He was such and good father and still is.
What was a moment in motherhood when you wished you could freeze time?
It’s so hard to pick just one moment. I do remember that I loved to dress the 3 girls alike when they were little. And then Lee was born 5 years later. The girls were so protective and loving.
What is your biggest wish/prayer for your children today? And for your grandchildren?
I pray that their strong faith becomes even stronger over the years and God continues to be first in their lives. I have learned so much from them. When I was their age, my faith was not as strong as theirs is now. Life is beautiful but things that happen in life aren’t always beautiful. Your faith will help get you through the hard parts. And no matter what, through it all, I hope you all take time to smell the roses.
What has surprised you most as a mother?
Among things that should surprise you, after the devastating loss of my son, our family is closer than it ever was. A funeral director once told me, “Satan loves these situations and loves to put you in a corner. You can choose to stay there or come out.” We chose to come out. We went to church two days after his death.
What has been one of the biggest gifts of being a mother? A Grandmother? A great grandmother?
The most wonderful gift is how close we all are and how we all pray for one another.
What is one piece of encouragement you’d like to share with me in my new motherhood journey?
Always carve time out for yourself and your husband, even if it’s just 15 minutes. Townes won’t be there one day with you but Marshall will. Don’t forget him! Enjoy life and be ever grateful. The house can wait. The floors can wait. All of the chores can wait.
If you could go back in time and tell your younger mom self one thing, what would you say?
I would probably tell her to sit down more often and spend one-on-one time with my children. I would also tell her that celebrations don’t have to be elaborate. There is so much pressure on young people, especially these days. The kids don’t know the difference. Enjoy it.
Gran (my dad’s mom)
What was your journey into motherhood like?
The first one [out of six] was pretty difficult. Labor was long and hard. I was very young (18) and didn’t know what to expect.
What was your favorite part of new motherhood?
Scotty was such a beautiful baby. We were living in a trailer and I loved giving him a bath and cuddling him.
The most challenging part?
I was in labor for 24 hours so that was no fun. They had to put him in the NICU for a week. He lacked oxygen which ended up damaging his brain. We didn’t know he had Cerebral Palsy until he was a year old. And we didn’t have anyone around to help [stationed in Fort Campbell, Kentucky].
What was a moment in motherhood when you wished you could freeze time?
I just enjoyed cuddling them and being there for it all. It was a wonderful feeling to take care of a baby and have the focus off myself.
What is your biggest wish/prayer for your children today? And for your grandchildren?
I want them to be happy in what they’re doing. Money comes and goes and isn’t the most important. Be grateful and have God in your lives.
What has surprised you most as a mother?
I had so many, 6 in 8 years, I didn’t have a whole lot of time to reflect! And I’m grateful I didn’t have time to worry about the little things. But the most surprising was that nothing was ever complete!
What has been one of the biggest gifts of being a mother?
The pride I felt [and feel] in any little accomplishment they made. They were all so different!
And a grandmother?
I just love the grandchildren and great grandchildren. It’s so fun to watch you all grow!
What is one piece of encouragement you’d like to share with me in my new motherhood journey?
Just love on her! Enjoy the moment and don’t worry about the little things. And get them on a schedule!
If you could go back in time and tell your younger mom self one thing, what would you say?
[Through tears] I wish I would have told myself to just enjoy the moment because you just get so busy and you forget to. It goes so fast. Today is all we have.
My Mom
What was your journey into motherhood like?
Somewhat naive now that I look back, I was 24 years old and had been married 3.5 years. My first pregnancy was normal and labor and delivery were super fast and surprising though I thought I was prepared!
What was your favorite part of new motherhood? The most challenging part?
Being able to stay home with my children, but that was also the most challenging part. I was there for all of the firsts, all of the stages of development. But sometimes I just needed to talk to other adults!
What was a moment in motherhood when you wished you could freeze time?
That’s a tough one because there are so many beautiful moments and memories. If I had to pick one it would be your (Amanda’s) wedding because it was like a fairy tale, like a culmination of all of my motherhood skills and efforts that had come full circle.
Also so many fun memories when y’all were young…your little lemonade/hot chocolate stands ( you set yourself apart even then!), playing in the cul-de-sac, being wild and free, our beach vacations to Destin, summers at the lake house in Hot Springs, our big family ski trips…I’d freeze them all if I could.
What is your biggest wish/prayer for your children today? And for your grandchildren?
To live a Christ-centered life, to enjoy the journey and take time to help others along the way.
What has surprised you most as a mother?
My love is not finite, that it grows deeper with each passing day, that I always have more love to give.
What has been one of the biggest gifts of being a mother?
The privilege of being chosen by God to be the mother of 3 beautiful children, that not all women are so blessed.
And a grandmother?
A new chapter is being written and I love being a character in it and close by to experience it all. Grand-motherhood is just a better version of motherhood. All those things I would have my 20-year-old self I can act upon because I have the wisdom and experience.
What is one piece of encouragement you’d like to share with me in my new motherhood journey?
[Through tears] Even in the midst of the frenzy, the discipline, and the disappointments…remember you are mothering your future best friend. And there’s nothing like a wonderful mother-daughter relationship.
If you could go back in time and tell your younger mom self one thing, what would you say?
Chill out. You don’t have to have a perfectly clean home, well-dressed or well-behaved children all the time. Life is messy, so don’t fight it! And hug at every opportunity. Be content and enjoy each phase as it comes.